This is something that I simply cannot figure out.

   What kind of Mom has these kind of feelings?

   When I became of age, I couldn’t wait to get a job, make my own money, set my own rules. Because I did not drive, this meant walking to work…but it was worth it to finally achieve some independence. I wanted freedom to choose everything from my lifestyle to the clothes that I wore…and I knew that I would have to work for those things.

   Now that one of my own is well of age, I expected the same from her. After all, as much as we love each other, surely she would want the same independence that I once craved….right?

   Apparently not.

    She does not drive. More to the point, she shows NO inclination to learn to drive or acquire a license to do so. She speaks vaguely of obtaining a job, but does not actually attempt to do that, either. She devotes intensive time to her reading, games, music, and friends…but NONE to achieving autonomy.

   I love her to bits…but I just don’t get it.

   I try not to harp on the subject, but I do remind her frequently that she will have to get off of her tail and get busy if she expects to return to Germany any time soon…but my words fall on deaf ears. As I watch her schlump around in the same raggedy clothes with little regard for anything outside of her world, I wonder where it is that I went wrong.

   It isn’t like she was raised in a world of privilege…far from it. She had to do chores and contribute to the house as much as her brother. She doesn’t ask for much, really. She just….exists. I’m willing to accept that she needs time to adjust to being back in the states after her tenure overseas, but it gets quite wearing after a bit. It has been nearly a month….surely she is rested by now.

   In all of the years spent raising her (and hearing her declarations of how she couldn’t wait to be grown and independent) it never dawned on me that, instead of being torn when she decided to leave the nest, I might actually need to nudge her out onto her own. I love her….I really do….but it cannot continue on this way much longer. At some point (hopefully soon) it has to change.

   She grumbled this morning when the coffee wasn’t ready right when she got up—perhaps she thinks she lives at a restraunt? She does not take initiative when it comes to cleaning, cooking, or doing laundry…yet has lots of places that she wants to visit if Mom will drive her over—am I also the proprietor of a free taxi service?

   As I look back over this, I realize how very selfish it sounds. How could any Mom talk about one of her kids this way? But, it is what it is…avoiding the issue will not change it. I have been a Mom for 19 years and loved every minute of it…..but I’ve never not been responsible for anyone except myself. I was rather looking forward to that part of life.

   Yes, it sounds selfish…but I want to cook for one person, clean up after one person, do laundry for one person….and if that person decides that she wants to go out for a while or take a long drive for a few days, I don’t want to have to worry about what to do with those left at home.

   Okay, this is just making me feel even more selfish.

   What kind of Mom AM I???

arkmomy