They told me that once the surgery was done, I would no longer be able to blame my occasional bouts of moodiness on ‘female things’. Wrong!!

Everybody warns you about menopause. It’s like birth stories–women pass them back and forth in an attempt to advise one another on all things female. It’s a way that women ‘connect’ with one another thru shared experience and strengthen the bond of sisterhood. While the intent is good, the stories don’t begin to cover the actual experience.

Four days post-op, I have had my first hot flash.

Flash my ass!! That sucker lasted a good thirty minutes during which sweat poured from glands that I never knew I had as I prayed in vain for a large freezer in which to hide.

One of my dear friends felt compelled to inform me that I looked as though I was about to ‘fall out’. Gee…YA’ THINK???? I’m sure that she will forgive me my momentary lapse of social grace in telling her to ’shut up and turn the damned A/C on’. After all…she’s been where I am…and she did laugh.

I’ve learnt a few things from this first hot flash:

1) There are NO words in the English language that can come anywhere close to describing the experience.

2) The air conditioner in my car…much to my dismay…does not shoot ice chips out of the vents.

3) The propensity for sarcasm is directionally proportional to the amount of sweat pouring off of a woman in the midst of a hot flash.

4) Frozen coca-cola, not diamonds, are a woman’s best friend during a hot flash.

If what my doctor says is true, I will have far fewer of these ‘moments’ than women who’ve not had the surgery. Those women have my deepest sympathy.  I’d much rather do it this way.

So, that ‘flash’ is over…and there will likely be more to come until the hormone replacements kick in. My monthly bouts of moodiness have been replaced with much more frequent bouts of melting, but I can deal with this.

Warm one minute….freezing cold the next. If you see me melting…just give me a frozen coke and back away slowly. This too will pass.

While it’s not exactly fun right now, it opens the door to a whole new chapter in life. I’m rather looking forward to this one.

arkmomy