I love you.

Its supposed to be easy to say it. People like to hear it. We are advised to recite it to our loved ones daily in the event that we might not get the chance to do so again.

But what if you can’t say it?

What if, in spite of how much you love someone, you just can’t say it?

I’ve tried…and I can’t. It simply does not come natural to me to recite those words on a regular basis. While I’m certain that my family would prefer it otherwise, they’ve become accustomed to the fact that its just not something I say very often. It in no way indicates a lack of love for them…its just the way that I am.

Psychologists might say that my hesitancy in reciting those three words is rooted in a painful childhood, past hurt, or lack of trust. While my past has certainly not been blissful or pain free, I like to think that I’ve moved beyond any lingering problems….so that’s not the cause.

Perhaps the best clue to a reason for avoiding those three little words comes from my own Mom. She told me once that even as a small baby I resisted cuddling and snuggling. Perhaps I’m just not the ‘mushy-love’ sort. It’s not that I don’t feel love, I’m just not comfortable with the mush. Holding hands in public, constant kisses and oft-repeated words make me cringe.

Love from me is more likely to come in the form of little reminders or random acts of affection–doing something just the way that you like it, bringing you something when I stop at a store, or an unexpected hug. Very seldom will you hear those three words from me, but you will be reminded in other ways.

So please, don’t take it personally if you say ‘I love you’ and I cannot reply. Please don’t be offended if I’m not comfortable with public displays of affection or constant snuggling on the couch. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel love for you….it just means that we have different ways of showing it.

arkmomy