Sometimes…when you don’t think….you hurt people.

    I’ve done that.

    Sometimes, saying ‘I’m sorry’ seems like the most inadequate thing in the world. It doesn’t make you feel better and it certainly won’t make others forgive you.

   So, what do you do then?

   The only thing that I can do right now is to pull away. Removing myself from those that I’ve hurt to give them time to heal is the only thing that I can think to do. It isn’t what I want, but it is what I will do.

   In a perfect world, an apology would be sufficient….but we don’t live in a perfect world.

  I was asked to do a favor for someone. Since I wasn’t sure how it would affect my friends, I asked one for some advice and was not discouraged….so I did it. After all, it seemed a small thing to do in order to help someone else. Unfortunately, I realized too late that it would, indeed, hurt someone for whom I care a great deal. In fulfilling a promise, I broke a trust. It is all my own fault….there is nobody else to blame. Now I can’t fix it.

   Common sense would say that it was only a trivia match….but I’m not quite listening to common sense right now. All I see right now is that I unwittingly put myself in a position to play against my own old team….and there is no self-forgiveness for that. I only came to watch….not to play…and in the end, I did more damage than good.

   I don’t know if my friends will forgive me. Right now, I can’t even forgive me….so I have removed myself from the liklihood of ever repeating that mistake. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without wanting to cry, so how could I ask my friends to be able to look at me in the same way that they used to see me?

   So, what do you do when ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t enough?

    What do you do when you look in the mirror and see the person that unwittingly hurt her friends and you can’t forgive her?

    Sometimes….you just cry.

 arkmomy