I did a terrible thing last nite.

It was selfish…but I have no remorse.

I made every one of my kids spend the nite at the house of one of their friends.

For the first time in over a year, I had a totally kid-free nite….and I enjoyed it. I have a friend who tells me (and other parents) that we have no right to nites such as these…obviously, he has no kids.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been anything but a single parent. I was widowed when the kids were still young, so there isn’t really anyone with whom to share the responsibility. Between my own kids, the exchange students that I take in, and the neighborhood kids…this house is quite busy. Time alone is not something to which I’m accustomed.

With all due respect to my non-parenting friend, parents such as myself not only have the right to the occasional kid-free nite…we need it. It’s healthy. Yes, it’s true that we took on the responsibility of parenting voluntarily….we could have said no…we could have walked away…but we didn’t.   Parents are well aware of the magnitude of the job that they have undertaken, but being a parent doesn’t mean that we’ve become superhuman to the point where we no longer have basic emotional needs.

Good parents usually put their own needs second to those of their children. Great parents realize that taking care of themselves makes them better able to parent their kids. My own parents made it a routine practice. They established a regular ‘date nite’ every week. The ‘date nite’ gave them the opportunity to relax and unwind for a few hours a week. By extension, their reduced stress filtered down to us kids and made for a much happier home.

This is what I did last nite.

As a single parent, I don’t actually have the luxury of a date nite…so I did the next best thing. I traded off with another group of parents. By allowing them to take on the role of primary caregiver for a single nite, I was able to wind down the stress just a bit. It was quiet here…peaceful…and VERY relaxing.

Selfish? Yes. Wrong? No.

My kids came home this morning–with several friends in tow–to a much more relaxed and happier mom. Because mom has been given the chance to look after her own needs, she is less stressed and more able to look after the needs of the kids that she loves.

One nite alone makes a world of difference.

arkmomy