Sometimes, the subtle differences don’t mean a thing.

          Dear Jon is seventeen. There are two things that he wants out of life at this time. He wants a job…and he wants to drive.

      Dear Jen is nineteen. There are two things that she wants out of life at this moment. She wants money…she wants to drive.

       In spite of the fact that they grew up together under the same roof and with the same mother, these two are very different. This comes as no surprise…it is something that I’ve known since the start. Jon is the easy-going, protective one who is driven to obtain his goals…and Jen is the brilliant, tightly-wound one who constantly questions her own abilities out of a deep-seated need to be perfect at every endeavor. Treating two such different kids fairly has been a challenge that I have embraced. After all, they don’t like all of the same things and they don’t like to be treated the same. On most counts, I’ve done a good job at ensuring that both of them felt equally loved even while respecting the very unique parts of each.

     Until today.

     Both of them have been dispatched to find a job this summer. Jon, true to form, has gone from place to place putting in applications at every available door. Jen, in contrast, has put in only a few applications at places where she thinks she might best fit. Jon doesn’t care what he does…as long as he’s doing something and making money. Jen wants to make sure that whatever job she ends up doing will be one that she excels at until she is ready to move on.

     Jon, of course, got hired first. After all, he was bound to succeed considering the number of applications he’d filled out. He will start monday and will iron those work shirts whether he wants to or not–my rule, not his. After all, appearance counts. He should do fine.

     Jen is taking a bit longer. She has finally found the job that will work for her and has had her first interview, but she must wait for the other supervisor to return from sick leave in order to complete the rest of her interview. It bothers her a bit that her brother got hired first, but she’s trying to remain positive.

     So far…so good…right? Not a perfect situation…but a workable one….until you factor in the driving thing.

     They both want licenses. We have the books. They have time to study. The rule is understood…must pass written test before being allowed to get behind the wheel. There is zero wiggle room here. Mom is nervous enough about entrusting her sole mode of transportation to teenagers, so she cannot be expected to budge on the little things.

     Jon has taken his written exam and secured a learner’s permit. Jen has not. Jon got to drive home today. It was a rather nerve-wracking experience from the passenger seat, but we chose a road with little traffic and Mom kept her mouth shut and focused her energy on trying NOT to appear uneasy. All in all, he did pretty good after some basic directions regarding where his feet should be and the location of signals, etc. He was proud of himself…and I was proud of him. I expected him to tell his sister about it when we arrived home…but he said nothing.

    I finally asked him why he didn’t tell her about the driving and he said….’She’d only get mad’.

    Jen, overhearing this exchange, muttered  ‘It’s not fair…he gets to do everything first’.

    Much as I’d love to do it….I can’t argue this point with her tonite. As a matter of fact, I can’t argue it at all.

    Yes, he got the first job…but that was because he’s started knocking on those doors long before she did.

    Yes, he got to drive first….but he was the one that studied and refused to be quiet until he’d taken his test and gotten his permit.

     So yes….he does get to do these things first…but I hardly think that it is unfair considering the amount of effort that he has put into obtaining these goals. All of their lives, I have made an effort to be fair…but I cannot be fair about this. If they want it, they will have to earn it. I cannot hand these things to them on a platter. These are not gifts, they are goals…and people have to work to obtain their goals.

Not fair, she says…and she is right.

But of all the things that I promised her…I never promised that life would always be fair.

arkmomy