Dear Mother Nature,

In regards to your most recent menopausal gift, I have one request…take it back…please.

While I certainly appreciate the fact that you’ve chosen to grace me with this wonderful gift, I am not worthy. Perhaps it might be better suited to someone else…maybe a resident of Antarctica.

Please don’t misunderstand, its been quite wonderful in some aspects. For instance, I’ve developed an amazing ability to steam an entire package of frozen peas by simply placing them at the back of my neck, but honestly…how often does one get the urge to eat peas?

And then there are those wonderful nites where I wax back and forth between snuggling under the covers and tossing them off while wishing I had just one more fan blowing on me. I try to pretend that I don’t notice the concerned glances from the dog who wishes I’d just make up my mind and lie still for a while so that he could sleep.

As if that weren’t enough, there are the constant changes of clothing. Take a shower, get dressed…wait ten minutes, repeat. The real upside to this is the fact that I no longer have to iron my clothes because I don’t get to wear them long enough for anyone to notice how wrinkled they are.

Speaking of the dog…he’s freezing…and he looks a bit pitiful huddled under the covers.

The kids are finally wearing their winter coats….in the house. However, they have been going outside more often in an attempt to warm up, so I guess that’s another tic in the ‘plus’ column. After all, fresh air is good for them, right? I try to ignore the role-reversal thing as they are now the ones muttering phrases like ‘are we trying to cool down the whole neighborhood?’

So yes, in spite of the obvious ‘perks’, I’m requesting that you allow me to return this gift to you. It seems a shame to let it go to waste on me when there must be somebody who would doubtless appreciate it more.

Just a suggestion..but in the future, should you decide to ‘gift’ another woman this way…perhaps you could include just one other small gesture of kindness….

like an iceberg.

arkmomy