Sometimes, the subtle differences don’t mean a thing.

          Dear Jon is seventeen. There are two things that he wants out of life at this time. He wants a job…and he wants to drive.

      Dear Jen is nineteen. There are two things that she wants out of life at this moment. She wants money…she wants to drive.

       In spite of the fact that they grew up together under the same roof and with the same mother, these two are very different. This comes as no surprise…it is something that I’ve known since the start. Jon is the easy-going, protective one who is driven to obtain his goals…and Jen is the brilliant, tightly-wound one who constantly questions her own abilities out of a deep-seated need to be perfect at every endeavor. Treating two such different kids fairly has been a challenge that I have embraced. After all, they don’t like all of the same things and they don’t like to be treated the same. On most counts, I’ve done a good job at ensuring that both of them felt equally loved even while respecting the very unique parts of each.

     Until today.

     Both of them have been dispatched to find a job this summer. Jon, true to form, has gone from place to place putting in applications at every available door. Jen, in contrast, has put in only a few applications at places where she thinks she might best fit. Jon doesn’t care what he does…as long as he’s doing something and making money. Jen wants to make sure that whatever job she ends up doing will be one that she excels at until she is ready to move on.

     Jon, of course, got hired first. After all, he was bound to succeed considering the number of applications he’d filled out. He will start monday and will iron those work shirts whether he wants to or not–my rule, not his. After all, appearance counts. He should do fine.

     Jen is taking a bit longer. She has finally found the job that will work for her and has had her first interview, but she must wait for the other supervisor to return from sick leave in order to complete the rest of her interview. It bothers her a bit that her brother got hired first, but she’s trying to remain positive.

     So far…so good…right? Not a perfect situation…but a workable one….until you factor in the driving thing.

     They both want licenses. We have the books. They have time to study. The rule is understood…must pass written test before being allowed to get behind the wheel. There is zero wiggle room here. Mom is nervous enough about entrusting her sole mode of transportation to teenagers, so she cannot be expected to budge on the little things.

     Jon has taken his written exam and secured a learner’s permit. Jen has not. Jon got to drive home today. It was a rather nerve-wracking experience from the passenger seat, but we chose a road with little traffic and Mom kept her mouth shut and focused her energy on trying NOT to appear uneasy. All in all, he did pretty good after some basic directions regarding where his feet should be and the location of signals, etc. He was proud of himself…and I was proud of him. I expected him to tell his sister about it when we arrived home…but he said nothing.

    I finally asked him why he didn’t tell her about the driving and he said….’She’d only get mad’.

    Jen, overhearing this exchange, muttered  ‘It’s not fair…he gets to do everything first’.

    Much as I’d love to do it….I can’t argue this point with her tonite. As a matter of fact, I can’t argue it at all.

    Yes, he got the first job…but that was because he’s started knocking on those doors long before she did.

    Yes, he got to drive first….but he was the one that studied and refused to be quiet until he’d taken his test and gotten his permit.

     So yes….he does get to do these things first…but I hardly think that it is unfair considering the amount of effort that he has put into obtaining these goals. All of their lives, I have made an effort to be fair…but I cannot be fair about this. If they want it, they will have to earn it. I cannot hand these things to them on a platter. These are not gifts, they are goals…and people have to work to obtain their goals.

Not fair, she says…and she is right.

But of all the things that I promised her…I never promised that life would always be fair.

arkmomy

Dear Mother Nature,

In regards to your most recent menopausal gift, I have one request…take it back…please.

While I certainly appreciate the fact that you’ve chosen to grace me with this wonderful gift, I am not worthy. Perhaps it might be better suited to someone else…maybe a resident of Antarctica.

Please don’t misunderstand, its been quite wonderful in some aspects. For instance, I’ve developed an amazing ability to steam an entire package of frozen peas by simply placing them at the back of my neck, but honestly…how often does one get the urge to eat peas?

And then there are those wonderful nites where I wax back and forth between snuggling under the covers and tossing them off while wishing I had just one more fan blowing on me. I try to pretend that I don’t notice the concerned glances from the dog who wishes I’d just make up my mind and lie still for a while so that he could sleep.

As if that weren’t enough, there are the constant changes of clothing. Take a shower, get dressed…wait ten minutes, repeat. The real upside to this is the fact that I no longer have to iron my clothes because I don’t get to wear them long enough for anyone to notice how wrinkled they are.

Speaking of the dog…he’s freezing…and he looks a bit pitiful huddled under the covers.

The kids are finally wearing their winter coats….in the house. However, they have been going outside more often in an attempt to warm up, so I guess that’s another tic in the ‘plus’ column. After all, fresh air is good for them, right? I try to ignore the role-reversal thing as they are now the ones muttering phrases like ‘are we trying to cool down the whole neighborhood?’

So yes, in spite of the obvious ‘perks’, I’m requesting that you allow me to return this gift to you. It seems a shame to let it go to waste on me when there must be somebody who would doubtless appreciate it more.

Just a suggestion..but in the future, should you decide to ‘gift’ another woman this way…perhaps you could include just one other small gesture of kindness….

like an iceberg.

arkmomy

Sometimes, being happy is more a matter of learning to accept your situation and making the best of it.

Okay, so you aren’t rich…neither am I. I don’t have a college education, a fantabulous job, or even a house of my own. My car needs new tires…and I could do with some time on a beach somewhere surrounded by nothing but soft sand, blue sky, clear ocean water, and a cabana boy to see to my every need.

Lucky for me, my happiness is not dependant upon those things.

Case in point. Driving into the city to get my son from school in the afternoons means driving past the airport. As I drove past this afternoon, a plane was taking off. Okay, so it isn’t one of the great wonders of the world, but seeing one of those huge things leave the ground and blast off into the skies always makes me smile. For some odd reason, the sight of something that cumbersome actually making it into the air still amazes me.

My son has decided to try to get his driving license. Putting aside my deepest fears, I took him to the state police today to take his written test. When he didn’t immediately come back out of the testing room, I decided to wander in and investigate the delay. There he stood….at the desk…looking suddenly much more mature than his seventeen years. With a big smile and a thumbs-up, he let me know that he was now ready to begin road-training. Seeing him that happy and proud of the job that he’d done was all that I needed to be happy again.

On our way home, we cross the Arkansas River. I love this river. No matter how many times I cross it or how many hours I spend standing on the shore, it always brings a sense of peace. Even when things seem hard…it is there…strong, steady, reassuring. Today, the partly cloudy skies of the afternoon reflected and shadowed across a surface rippled with movement caused by the winds of a coming storm. Drawn by the beauty, we stopped on the end of the bridge and made our way down to the banks to enjoy the view for a few moments. Sure enough…happy again.

Sitting on the back porch and watching dragonflies….feeling the sun on my shoulders and the wind in my hair…singing along to my favourite cd in the car….all of these make me happy.

The thing is, none of these things actually costs anything. They are simple…and perhaps I am, too. But in spite of all that has happened and some things that I simply cannot figure out…this is one thing that I’m good at.

Finding Happy….yeah, I can do that.

arkmomy