It is a broken system…nobody could argue that.

     The question is…can we fix it?

     One of the issues that will be set forth in our state elections this year is very close to me. It concerns the question of who should be fit to parent foster kids. It is, in fact, designed specifically to reduce the potential foster parent pool by virtue of the beliefs of a few.

     On one side, we have the Arkansas Family Council. These God-fearing folks would have us believe that nobody outside of the classic definition of ‘family’ is fit to provide love to these kids who so desperately need a place to call home. In the critical eyes of AFC, if you are unmarried or (heaven forbid) gay…you aren’t fit to care for children no matter how financially, physically, or mentally sound you may be.

    On the other side, we have Arkansas Families First. This group maintains that these kids need good homes and that the definition of a good home does not include restrictions on marital status or sexuality. In their opinion, it is more important that these kids have good homes than it is to perpetuate prejudice based on lifestyles.

    So…I have to wonder….What DOES make a good home?

    My own home has never been what society deems as ‘conventional’. I raised my kids alone after the death of my husband. Because I didn’t fit the accepted definition of a ‘proper home’ under our DHS guidelines, I was never eligible to even consider fostering.

    Instead, I took in exchange students and cared for upwards of a dozen friends of my own kids.

    I never minded…in fact, I quite enjoyed it. Chaotic though it was at times, I loved cooking for a large group of kids. I loved overseeing their homework and keeping up with their activities. I loved having to put out air mattresses and sleeping bags when we ran out of beds…and, of course, I loved having the help when it came time for chores. No, it wasn’t exactly what the AFC would consider a ‘family’…but I have to think that the fact that all of the kids called me ‘Mom’ must have meant something. Even though they are grown, they still call me that.

     As if my single life weren’t enough, I don’t go to church. I always encouraged my kids and their friends to explore their beliefs and make their own decisions, but I’ve never felt comfortable in churches. I’ve always resisted having others tell me how I should act or what I should believe. I’d have to credit my own Mom for teaching me to think for myself. The fact that I’ve stood on my own feet for this long is testament to the fact that she must have taught me well.

    So, who is right? What DOES make a good home?

    Does it matter if someone is married or single?

    Does it matter is someone is gay or straight?

    If you ask any of the kids in my life, they will tell you that none of that matters. To them, a good home means having parents who love you, teach you, help you grow, and encourage you to become who you were meant to be. It is just a shame that the AFC doesn’t ask kids…they might be surprised at the answers that they receive.

     Now that my own kids are practically grown, I’m too old to fit the guidelines for foster parents. Even if this law is changed to allow unconventional families the opportunity to foster kids…I couldn’t do it because I’m over the age limit. The only problem with this rule is that, while I have gotten older, I haven’t lost my ability to love or my enjoyment of having the opportunity to nurture kids and watch them develop.

    I have to believe that there are younger people like me out there. At least…I hope there are….and I hope that they show up at the polls on election day to stand up for these kids who need good homes.

arkmomy